Why do complain so much

A friend recommended she give up complaining for a month, advising that it would help reframe her mind. But she says complaining does have an important purpose — it tells us that something in our lives needs to change.

We complain when we feel there is a significant gap between an expectation and reality, according to Dr. Complaining is also a bonding mechanism, according to the New York City psychologist. When we complain, we want to fix an injustice, he says. But when we vent, we are getting frustration out of our systems — for example, ranting to a coworker because traffic made you late. Some griping is healthy, says Winch — but too much can fill us with constant stress hormones.

It can also infect those around us with our negativity, he adds. But when it becomes too common, it can get in the way of healthy, happy relationships. We all have a right to raise concerns to our partner about things that are upsetting us, but not to do it in an unhealthy or toxic way.

There are also several books on how to communicate effectively:. Couples therapy helps you and your partner address issues in your relationship. Here are the 7 best online couples and relationship therapy services…. Boundaries are essential to having strong and healthy relationships.

Having healthy boundaries means establishing your limits and clearly expressing…. Be it in work or personal situations, the ability to communicate effectively can make the difference between a.

Throwing yourself a "pity party" offers the chance to express frustration and pain and begin letting them go. Here's why getting those negative….

Arguments are a part of most relationships, friendships, and workplaces. Humans are social creatures, and inev. Marriage counseling can help build a stronger, more satisfying partnership.

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This neuronal mirroring, however, has a flip side. People who complain about everything become contagious and, before we realize it, we turn into complainers ourselves. Occasional venting and expression of negative emotions to a colleague about difficult situations allow us to get our concerns out into the open, and in doing so, lessen possible stress reactions. Repressing our feelings may stop us from naming our problem and getting to the bottom of it. People also complain in order to feel better about themselves.

But complaints can also be used as a way to exercise power and influence perceptions. On this interpretation, Peter might have been trying to recruit Lisa to his point of view concerning what he thought was wrong with some of the people in their organization. In many cases, chronic complaining starts early in life, as a means of gaining visibility and establishing rapport in the family.

This would explain why he reacts poorly to advice because resolving his problem would take away the reason to complain, threatening his sense of self. Attempts to help chronic complainers often have little or no effect. Most likely, Peter would continue to be absorbed on the downsides of his situation, rather than seek solutions. Lisa should tell Peter that she is prepared to listen and to talk, but not to engage in a repetitive conversation.

It's the fastest way to change your "karma" from being the victim of circumstances to being empowered to change them. Take control and find more than one solution. You'll start moving in a different direction and take yourself from "helpless and hopeless" to "helpful and happier. If you absolutely need to let out steam, consider the people around you first. You just never know who's behind that door. The problem with gripe-fests in the workplace is that they tend to happen in some secret or "safe" place, like the bathroom.

Yet we've all had to uncomfortably listen to someone complain or gossip, and then — surprise! If it's your boss, you'll have some explaining to do. When one person floats an idea and another jumps in with "but," what comes next is always negative. And it invariably leads to disagreement. To improve team effectiveness, start replacing "but" with "and": "That's an interesting idea, and you might also consider…". Gary Burnison is the CEO of Korn Ferry , a global consulting firm that helps companies select and hire the best talent.